Toilet Confessions

Warning: multiple toilet pics ahead. The mid-century purists will probably flay me for this, but... we got rid of the original toilet in our main floor bath.

Well, we think it's original. For all I know it could have been installed in the 80s, but this looks like a 60s toilet to me, especially considering its performance and wear. See that sign taped on the tile? That says "Press button firmly," and I put it there after one too many guests had to come out and ask us how to flush it. It even stumped one of our movers on moving day. And I really firmly believe that you just shouldn't do that to people. Don't have a trick toilet. By the same token, I put brushes and plungers next to all three of the toilets shortly after we moved in. Because sometimes people need or want those things, and it would be my personal nightmare to have to ask for them. 

The porcelain rim had seen better days. 

As had the tank. Don't ask me what purpose that cup is serving. We didn't want to disturb it. I don't know if you can gauge from this photo, but after scientific measurements I determined that this toilet used approximately one zillion million gallons of water per flush. So that wasn't great either. Trick button + water wasting = the death knell for this guy. And don't tell me that I should Craigslist it because the plumber had to break it into pieces to get it out without messing up the floor tile. So, purists, give me credit for that: we destroyed the toilet but we did it to save the tile. 

Here's the new guy. This is the American Standard Champion 4, which came highly recommended by the guy in the toilet aisle at Lowe's. The box boasts that it will flush a bucket of golf balls, which... sure, nice analogy, toilet industry. 

But now I have to get back there to clean the tile where the old one covered it for all those years. Gag. 

While we were at it, we also had the plumber replace the basement toilet. (Or "prison bathroom" as our friend Angie calls hers.) I thought that the disgustingness of the previous model was just part of the ambiance downstairs, but Eric wanted a new one. The plumber said that when we eventually finish this bathroom it will be no problem to keep this, so there's no money wasted on it. We did go with a slightly cheaper model (the Kohler Highline Classic, if you're interested), so I guess we will just do our golf ball flushing exclusively upstairs. I will still never use this toilet. 

Toilet installation was not actually the chief reason that we had the plumber around; we also had a new water softener and water heater installed, which, respectively, were dead and on death's door.

Ooooh, aaahhh. I don't know anything about water softeners. We asked the plumber for a lesson and he said, "Well this button is up, and this one is down." So then we said, "Uhh, but what does that mean?" And he paused for a long time and said, "You should really just read the manual."

And here is water heater. Jealous?! I know tankless models are all the rage these days, but Consumer Reports said the added efficiency doesn't offset the higher price. And I just do what Consumer Reports tells me to do. 

THEN. Total bizarro project add on: the plumber didn't like the configuration of our washer and dryer, blah blah, something about the drain cover and city inspectors frowning upon it... and somehow this necessitated the purchase of a new utility sink. Which we totally cheaped out on because at that point we were on plumbing budget overload. This sink is plastic and cost $25. It does the job. And I did not let the plumber cart away the cool retro model; it's still here. I want to do something crafty with it, just haven't figured out what yet.  

Here is our dirty floor and the new drain cover. Please note the spindle being used to level the dryer, which Eric found in the shed and put there today after I had a rage attack upon discovering that the plumber had goofed up the level. He takes good care of me. Eric, not the plumber.